You’re not a “real Dom” unless…

You pull hair and call names during sex

You wield the paddle from hell along with any other torture device you can think of

You control your sub’s every move

You prove your ownership on a daily basis

You use humiliation and pain to debase your sub until they no longer think of themselves and only care to please you

You’re not a “real sub” unless…

You set all thoughts of your own wants and needs aside for your Dom

You can take any punishment without complaint or tears no matter how painful or humilating it is

You accept that you are somehow less of a whole person because you only exist to serve your Dom’s needs

You leave all decisions including fidelity, pain, and basic human rights to your Dom to the point of real self-damage

In case the sarcasm didn’t spill all over your screen in a gooey mess, I should clarify that I do NOT believe a single “rule” listed here. They are a poor joke and a sad example of the misconceptions that people have about this lifestyle. What’s terribly disheartening though is that the people who have demonstrated these attitudes towards Dominance and submission are NOT those who are against it. They are people who claim they want to be a part of this lifestyle themselves! To those poorly misguided souls, I wish them the best of luck and a little soul-searching to find out where they got so far off the self worth and human kindness track.

At the end of the day there are no set “rules”. Every relationship, whether considered alternative or vanilla or somewhere in between, is as individual as the people in them. I believe that some people just have a natural propensity to take on these roles. But just like any other niche interest there are those who understand, or are truly wanting to understand, and then there are those who simply see an opportunity to take advantage of this human dynamic to meet their own selfish desires. Rather than a Sadist/masochist dynamic they find themselves in more of an Opportunist/narcissist situation. The opportunist taking advantage of the “license” to be uninhibitedly forceful and dehumanizing. The narcissist enjoying the constant attention no matter how negative and self-damaging that attention may be.

For those of us who naturally fall into the Dominant and submissive roles in a healthy manner, and find ourselves lucky enough to find our counterpart, it becomes easy to spot those who are in it for misguided reasons. Often our advice, coaching, or concerns are seen as elitism or disapproval but this is completely unintentional. Like any happy couple, we like to see our friends in relationships that are healthy, enriching and rewarding.