Every woman fights with their own self-image pretty much their whole lives. At least I’d like to think so because otherwise I’m just a self-centered oddity. Last night Master called me over to the bed to inspect me closer, and announced very casually that I had lost my “shelf”. This is the part of my ass that bubbles out at the top. He went on with random observations of how I will change with age and how He is still very attracted to me, but the entire time, and for the rest of the night all I could do was hold back tears. I don’t want to change. I don’t want to have a sagging ass or a lack of muscle tone, or any other part of my body failing. Master is especially attracted to girls with nice asses so to hear mine has gone downhill feels like I have failed Him.

A gift for my Master… I hope

As my more diligent readers may know, I often get disappointed in myself for having a hard time with anal sex. I LOVE the feeling of Master’s cock pressing in and out of my ass but the initial pain of entry has been enough to scare me off completely many times before. More than my own pleasure, I beat myself up over failing to provide Master with the pleasure of all of my holes at his command. So today I did something about it at last. I ordered an anal plug from Adam & Eve (advertisers on the right –>). It has two graduated sized bulbs, and the reviews were all favorable, stating that it stays in place well enough to work as a simple around-the-house anal trainer or as a DP toy as well.

Hopefully training with this toy will get me over my insertion fears so Master can be fully pleased no matter what He craves.

Master took me shopping for clothes last week and besides the sales girl being incredibly hot, there was nothing eventful about the trip. However, yesterday morning I put on a pair of jeans that she had picked out for me, and got a wonderfully torturous surprise. Somehow the way the seam lines up on those jeans came in PERFECT contact with my clit, and rubbed me all day long (during the parts of the day I was dressed at all). Today my clit is more sensitive than a lightning rod in a thunderstorm!

Master has been chatting with a girl not too far from our new home and it has awakened an excitement in me that I had missed. The best I can describe it is the way you feel as a kid, when you KNOW your mom is baking cookies and you can’t WAIT to have a taste. I know He’s only chatting, and that nothing may come of it… but the fact that He’s even found an open-minded person anywhere within 100 miles seems miraculous enough in this bible-thumping agricultural community. It gives me hope.

Funny moment I just have to share… we have had a few land surveyors on our property off and on the last few weeks, updating property descriptions and county maps. It occurred to me that from inside our house it looks like a cheesy porn setup… as I am doing dishes and scrubbing floors in my cute matching bra and panties while 3 young construction-looking guys pace my front yard just a few feet outside our windows, shirts either off or unbuttoned. Like I said… random and funny.