I’m lost. Life has changed so much in the last year and yet somehow hasn’t changed enough. I want to be Doux. I want to submit. I want to reciprocate the feelings of adoration, consideration, and absolute respect He shows me on a daily basis. But the lack of privacy here, and the length of time between truly private moments leaves me soft. It also leaves what few opportunities we have to let go transformed into a hurried mess of pain where the pleasure doesn’t always match. I thought being here would separate us from the outside workd enough so that we can build on the foundation we laid, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
Of course, this makes me doubt myself. Am I really the pet He signed on for? Am I able to meet His cravings without dissappointment? It’s been so long that things I used to be sure about now feel like a long lost fantasy. I miss that security… the absolute knowing, without words, that I am satisfying His wants and needs as my Master. How do I find that again when I feel like we’re starting over from scratch?
