Sometimes even after you’ve been hurt so bad, letting go of someone you love is still the hardest thing to do.

Today I moved all her pictures off my hard drive.

Today I threw away those CDs that I bought just to listen to with her.

Today I deleted all the mutual friends that mostly talk to her.

Today I canceled my airline pricing notifications so I could help her get cheap visits here.

Today I boxed up all the little memories she left around the house.

Today I committed to stop checking her profiles for signs that she misses me.

Today I’m letting go.

One year and 7 months are now neatly packed away in a single box and .zip file, in case I ever need the memories. One year and 7 months of lessons learned and of my heart being opened and expanded only to have her tear her piece out without warning are over. I can’t hate her although I’ve tried. I can’t stop missing little things about her, although no part of me wants her back.

She needed to do the dumping, because I never would have had the heart. It proved at least that she could walk away if she wanted… I just didn’t know that’s what she wanted. If I could change anything though, it’s nothing about what she did or why… I would take away Master’s guilt. He feels guilty because He brought her into my life. He feels guilty because a gift He gave me, hurt me. If I could show Him that it was worth so much more than the pain she caused, I would. I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.

But I have the feeling that nothing I write, say or do will take that guilt away. So today, I’m letting go and moving on.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 at 2:42 pm and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.