Is it jealousy? Insecurity? Or just plain silliness?
I always get a little leery and self-analytic whenever He has a date with a potential pet. You see, He doesn’t HAVE to be with me. He doesn’t HAVE to be raising my kids with me or running a house with me or taking me across country to build a home together next summer. He does these things because He chooses to. He wants to. Out of all the girls that have come in and out of His life He chose me. But when we’re looking at potential pets, more often then not they are younger, more in shape, (in my opinion) prettier, and usually kid-free and more carefree as well. It’s a list of qualities that help balance out our life at times. And at the same time it’s a list of qualities that make me very aware that I am not those things.
I guess what makes me linger on it is the fact that these girls can be seen as an escape from daily responsibility. A treat or a vacation or a way to distance ourselves from the day to day life that has us so wound up all the time. Except that day to day life does not take breaks and someone has to run it. And because I love Him and appreciate everything He does for me and our family, I believe He is entitled to those breaks more than myself. But at some point I still have a deep nagging fear that what starts as a “break” may someday turn into a permanent escape. That He will be tempted by the ease and convenience of either going back in the field or taking on a partner who is less maintenance.
I wonder, do “straight” couples have these same fears? Is there always that nagging sense of “this is too good to be true” lingering behind every good relationship? At heart I know that He loves me and is completely head over heels IN love with me, but past experience, both His and mine, still make me take every bit of bliss with a grain of salt and just be grateful everyday that I haven’t screwed it up yet.
Tags: Insecurities, Submissive Thoughts
