This weekend I caught myself practically begging Master to let me wear a gag for a few hours. I know He prefers that I am able to answer Him when needed, but there are times I worry that I talk too much. And there are times when I can’t stop the flow of everyday household maintenance conversation from escaping my lips and the only thing that should be escaping around here are our worries and responsibilities. He suggested that I go without a gag, and just stay silent unless spoken to, but I’m horrible at that! How can I learn to be quiet during pet time so that I can completely immerse myself in my duties to my Master???

It’s 2:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep. Thoughts are swimming in my head about all the things we’ve done and tried and looked at and explored, and more and more it’s becoming clear what I don’t want. I have no idea how to classify myself in fetish identity terms, or how to label my “lifestyle” but I know what I am not. I am not a masochist. Yes, I enjoy nipple clamps.Yes I enjoy a good spanking now and then. And I can even cum when being smacked in the face and called a whore in the middle of sex.

But today I saw pictures on a fetish community site and thought of scenarios that seem to define a masochist and I was only turned off. Mutilated flesh. Bruised breasts. Stretched and torn pussies. Asses that were bleeding from their beatings. The women looked so haggard and depressed and were obviously not big on self-image. They all looked like misery to me.

Is it so superficial of me to think that a pet or slave should be a prized possession? That they should be required to take care of their bodies like any other trophy or esteemed item belonging to their Master? Is it wrong that I am only attracted to those who have pride in being a sub, not just a girl who can take a beating?

I’m beginning to see the line between Dom/sub and BDSM and finding that I am most DEFINITELY a sub, and most DEFINITELY a swinger, but that BDSM is only a part-time beginner’s interest. Mostly the BD and not the SM even. I’m afraid of talking too much to my Master about it because I know he enjoys everything we are doing and seems to only want to push to the next level and I hate, I HATE making him feel like he has to hold back in any way. But at the same time, I fight so much fear and pain and stress when paddling is just for the sake of the paddle, or when biting feels like it’s breaking skin.

My vision of the perfect life is that not too long from now, my Master will not have to lift a hand or his voice to get anything he wants. That I will be able to anticipate his every need and serve him completely. That he and I will enjoy all of life’s little treats together with me at his every beck and call. That each day will be defined by his orders and routine (and I feel about half way there so far) and that he should never have to hunger for more than the time it takes to tell me what he is hungry for.

I believe I can do this without cuts or bruises or being made to feel like nothing like so many others do.

As you commanded, here is my lists of requests. Some are for our protection. Some are to maintain my ‘head lioness’ title. Some are simply because I still have issues with it. I’ll be happy to talk about these and come to terms we can both agree on, but I want to know that on some level I have a say-so on the “big issues” that bug me as both a pet and a lover. You are my my one and only Master from now through the rest of my life. I see that as both a privilege and a responsibility for both of us that cannot be taken lightly. I am lucky to serve my soul mate and don’t ever want to damage my will to serve.

1. 1. Please don’t go too long without commanding me in at least a tiny way. From the way I wear my hair to special teases and tortures to full-blown hunting… if you are not commanding me, then I’m left to guess at how to please you. I will get better at it in time but for now I am not a mind reader The more you command me, the more I feel your hand guiding me in everything I do.
2. 2. Please do not command me to do things that can truly injure me, put me in real danger, or cause extreme emotional pain.
3. 3. Please be patient with me when exploring new boundaries. I will stretch my limits as long as you promise to not give up.
4. 4. Please don’t ever choose another woman over me.
5. 5. If you offer me a say-so, please honor it.
6. 6. Please don’t take advantage of my acceptance of, and need for, other women in this relationship. In the last couple weeks I have said yes to everything you bring up as long as there is something I can enjoy out of it. I say yes when I see you are stressed and need release that I am unable to give you. I say yes when I am interested in sharing the treat you have found. I say yes when I think this treat will bring us closer together. I say yes when I am curious about the outcome of that particular opportunity. There are a dozen reasons why I would say yes to the thought of sharing.Please remember this whenever you are planning out your next kill. I love women, and I love a spoiled Master. I hope it does not come across as a free for all and want you to know that I want only the best for my Master.
7. 7. If for some reason (which I will promise to give should the need arise) I say no to an opportunity, please honor that. If you were to hurt me in that way it would break the trust that I need to have with you in order to live this life together.
8. 8. That whenever you do enjoy another woman… always use protection. She can swallow or if she is trusted, she can take the load in her ass, but not milk. Ever. I am not prepared for or willing to watch a random woman raise a child I can’t give you myself any more than I am willing to openly accept any risks or diseases that can come from our playing around.
9. 9. Please know that I want to keep this discreet from the kids. I do not want them getting attached to anything other than a true pet. I will guard this as strongly as I always have when separating my home life from my past lovers.
10. 10. Please don’t ever hide, lie or manipulate in order to have your fun on the side, even if you are afraid of my reaction. I am more reasonable than you have given me credit for in the past, and have a million fantasies that a lot of yours play into. And we have our whole lives to try these things out. If you want something, talk to me about it.

I love you. I always have, and it grows every day