I’m lost. Life has changed so much in the last year and yet somehow hasn’t changed enough. I want to be Doux. I want to submit. I want to reciprocate the feelings of adoration, consideration, and absolute respect He shows me on a daily basis. But the lack of privacy here, and the length of time between truly private moments leaves me soft. It also leaves what few opportunities we have to let go transformed into a hurried mess of pain where the pleasure doesn’t always match. I thought being here would separate us from the outside workd enough so that we can build on the foundation we laid, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Of course, this makes me doubt myself. Am I really the pet He signed on for? Am I able to meet His cravings without dissappointment? It’s been so long that things I used to be sure about now feel like a long lost fantasy. I miss that security… the absolute knowing, without words, that I am satisfying His wants and needs as my Master. How do I find that again when I feel like we’re starting over from scratch?

As i poise, cock ramming down my throat and paddle crashing wave over wave of delicious pain over my ass, I catch myself wondering what She would think if She walked right in this very moment? Would She think He was hurting me? Would she think He expects her to enjoy the same paddling? Would She sit by idly wondering about the whole scene?

I think a major part of my complete infatuation with Her is that She absolutely takes complete posession of my body. This leaves me wondering if I am setting myself up to serve both a Master and a Mistress? It’s a thought that both terrifies and excites me at the same time. With Him, there are a lot of responsibilities that come along with owning such a pet as me. But because She is new, do these resposibilities then get shared between Master and Mistress? Or does She simply enjoy while He maintains?

Either way, the idea of serving both a man AND a woman is amazing. But am I good enough to satsfy them both?

It has been my experience over time that a good woman really can hold a man by the balls and get away with it… Just not in the way that you think.

I never gave too much thought to men’s balls before Master. Sure, some men like them played with or tended to during a good BJ, but really, what else were they there for? But at some point in our relationship it became almost a subconscious habit to gently massage his balls. Especially when we’re just laying there watching a movie or relaxing. It definitely relaxes him like nothing else and it almost always puts him to sleep. His theory is that if more men received testicular massage there would be no war. I have to say I agree completely.

So lady readers of mine, give it a try. Next time you’re lying in bed watching TV, gently cup his balls and just make a motion with your fingers like they’re doing a wave. Be gentle, but don’t be afraid to squeeze very lightly. Treat them like soft boiled eggs. Roll them around in your hand delicately and at a relaxed pace. It’s not about sex… just about melting him