So Master and I are lying in bed, and I told him that this still scares me. This force. Not enough to stop, and really… the fear helps. But my fear is that someday it will go too far and I won’t know how to make him stop and he won’t be able to see that he needs to. I also comment on the affects of the different belts that he’s used on me, and how the one he used last night actually cuts with its’ edges. He asks if I want more.
This is the kind of question he gives me daily. The one that I never know how to answer. If I say yes, then obviously it will happen. If I say no, I know he’ll take it anyway, but I’m afraid it will be much more brutal.
I say yes. He commands me to all fours, and after a few swings I’m burning and he is satisfied… or so I thought. That’s when he orders me to get the small-handled cutting board and a mixing spoon from the kitchen. Inside I’m panicking. outside I smirk and ask “Are you trying to kill me?” as I walk out to the kitchen. I can feel tears welling up behind my eyes.
I come back in the bedroom and I know I’m in more trouble for my smart-ass comment. He orders “quiet time” so I get my gag and tie it on. I’m so nervous that my fingers can’t keep the ends steady to make the knot but after a few tries, I finally get it on good and tight… I know I’ll need it. I kneel down near the foot of the bed, and wait for His next order.
At this point he pulls the table from the end of the bed out, clears it off, and bends me over it long-ways. He pulls handcuffs out of the drawer and wraps my arms around the bottom of the table, cuffing them in place. Again, I’m grateful because I know I will need this too. I need all the help I can get.
Then the first hit comes. It’s the cutting board paddle. It sends me immediately under, but in a bad way. everything seems dark, and all I can acknowledge is the fire behind me. This pain. This association to something I had locked away over 15 years ago and haven’t touched but once or twice since then, by accident. I can’t help myself and begin bawling my eyes out. Strike after strike, I’m being torn down. He only got 4 with the paddle before I was kicking and screaming. Then I feel the spoon land on my ass. It stung, but not enough to break through the fog I was in. He finally puts his cock inside of me but even then, I can’t really respond. I feel him but I also feel like I am shut down.
Then he walks away. I assume he’s outside smoking because he’s only gone for a minute. He returns and I hear him sorting through bathroom drawers and the closet. Next thing I know something is being inserted into my ass. I hear a click and the vibrating starts… he plays with the different speeds and finds the one he likes. This lights me back up a bit… it’s a first for me. He comes back to fucking me and now it’s working. I’m responding and my little pussy is hungry. But I’m frustrated! I’m in quiet time so I can’t speak, and if I can’t speak I can’t ask permission to cum. But soon he commands it. I start riding my orgams and SMACK! There’s the paddle again. And in that moment I start shutting down again. The tears are fresh and streaming.
He applies this mix again… but instead of his own cock, he uses the toy cock we made from his custom mold. Stroke, buzz, SMACK. I’m moving too much and crying too loud and just generally being loud. He reaches into the Red Bag, and pulls out rope. 
He binds my thighs to the legs of the table, then pulls my ankles up to tie them as well leaving me with just my knees on the floor. He keeps fucking me with the toy cock like he’s stabbing me and I’ve never felt such exquisite pleasure from a toy before.
Suddenly he stops, slips the toy out and the vibrator, and leaves me there for a few minutes. I’m shaking, crying, dripping wet, and still hanging onto that fog that came over, but barely. I’m definitely as exposed as I have ever been for him. He comes back over, grips my hair and pulls my head back. He demands “Am I your Master?!” and I shake my head yes as hard as I can. My words get lost in the gag. “Do you love me?!”, “Are you mine?!”, “Every inch of you?!”, “With every breath!?” and all I can do is keep shaking my head and crying “YES!!!!” He asks “Am i too rough on you, Should I back down?” I say no to both. He yells “DO YOU WANT MORE?!” I hesitate, but then shake my head yes and the tears start up again. He grabs that paddle and gives it one good hard swing. To my surprise it was warm. Still triggering… but warm.
He lays the paddle down. He’s kissing me now. Kissing my burning cheeks. He slowly unties me, and the cuffs are coming off. I kneel up and I’m shaking and still crying uncontrollably. The moment he pulls off my gag, all my strength leaves me and I crumble to the floor into a little ball, hiding from what little fog was left in the room. I felt so helpless and small. Then he picks me up like a little doll and lays me on the bed. The brush of the sheets on my ass feels like a thousand needles. He’s kissing me. My lips. My tongue. My neck. My breasts. he goes all the way down and his tongue touches my clit, and I explode. His hands are running over me and wiping away all fear. I feel my whole body exhale and submit as his kisses break the spell I was under.
In just moments I am his pet again completely. And I am falling in love all over again. When he presses inside of me his thighs are pushing on the welts and the pain is so sweet. So perfect. I cum (with permission) over and over again while he’s making love to me and kissing me into bliss. I can’t hold on to him tight enough. I want to be completely enveloped by his strength. His eyes… for a moment they seemed to really be windows into his soul… something that I have never seen him show. Usually he’s piercing into mine. I can barely breath I’m so absolutely overwhelmed with emotion.
Afterwards there are some words said as we enjoy the moment. These weekends are SO good for us! They bring me back to ground zero… balance me. They bring me back to simply the girl who lives for this man. Who’s soul is so intertwined with his that I can feel his every emotion. I look in his eyes… at his happy face… and I’m seeing him again for the first time. I’m falling in love again and again and the butterfly’s in my stomach won’t let me forget it. This is the man I am meant to give the rest of my life to, as he has given me his.
Tags: paddling, punishment, subspace
